To avoid a fortnight of full bed-rest, rub a few drops of Pirate’s Secret™ on thy hands before meeting with a scurvy pirate that could give you the vapors.
When ye is on the floor of the the latrine & the ship be a rockin ye all night, and yore innards be turned and you churn and churn, spray some Oil di Thief on thy kerchief and hold it to thy nose to breathe in the aroma. Breathe it in till the feelings subside. Thy scent should keep you from hurling over the rails, unless you ate the witches’ chowder. Oil di Thief cannot help you if you ate the witches poison.
When yer nose be filled with fog from the scurvy crud of the sea, hold yor kerchief scented with Oil di Thief to thine nostrils and breathe in deep several times a day.
Aye and if thee finds thine self in a plague graveyard, hold the scented kerchief tight to thy face.
When thy belly is draggin the ground and a pillow isn’t soft enough for thy hurtin noggin, place a few drops of Oil di Thief behind thy ears and rub it into thine neck and shoulders for an added sense of comfort.
Take thy old kerchief and smother it with the essence of Oil di Thief and place it in front of a port hole breeze to cleanse the air in a musty room.
Make a mist of the Pirates Secret™ and use it to fumigate a sick room or to take the stank away from a privy or smelly boots or anything else that has a foul odor.
Arrgh! Matey! The sap of a tree and the ships marine varnish warshes right off yarrrrh hands with the full strength Oil di Thief formula. It’s Arrrrrmazling!
Use Oil di Thief when thy hound dog gets SKUNKED. Warsh the dog with Oil di Thief and dog shampoo and thy dog will be able to sleep in the castle that very night. Mist it onto the dogs sleeping area and collar too (but not cats because they are feeble).
A few drops on smelly feet & itchy toes aids in reversin' th' process 'o crusty barnacles on thy toes & feet. Returns thy feet to beautiful grog-happy feet.
Matey, a few drops of oil di thief mixed with 1 TBSP lotion or oil, creates an herbal, no bite me, potion that helps ye avoid tiny swamp varmint’s.
An itchy bump that be inflicted from a swamp varmint, or itchy scurvy skin, that makes a pirate say: “Yarrr!! Bring me more GROG!!”, Use a drop, full strength, Mate, to ease yer worries. It’ll be fine.
1 to 3 drops in thy bucket of soakin solution softens and rehydrates thy hands and feet. Helps thee gnarly claws and wooden peg leg too. Arrgh!
In thy kitchen galley add a few drops to steamin soapy dishwater for a spit shine ye won’t believe.
For a super clean oiling, rub down ye wooden cutting boards with a few drops of oil di thief after each meal. It restores the glow of the wood grain, while the herbs treat the wood to benefit yer next meal.
Add 10 drops into ye claw foot tub, for a rub a dub, dub, before headin to Ye 'ol Pub. Aye, The Skull & Scuppers is whar the wenches rrrrrr.
Add ye a drop to thy hair tonic solution every now and agin. It’s good for thy hair and scalp.
When ye be feeling puny, massage it into thy chest, thy neck, thy feet and thy body. Mix with carrier oil if too strong.
Make ye some liquid soap and add ye 10 drops of oil di thief, use it every day before you do any surgery or yer supper.
Place a few drops in ye hot soapy laundry bucket just in case some scurvy pirate slips his shorts into thines warsh. Arrgh, nuthin worse that scurvy pirate’s burley shorts, eh matey?
Make a new solution of a few drops mixed with hot soapy warsh water and swab the deck matey! Get thine floors immaculately clean.
For deodorant, get ye some coconut oil and mix it with bicarbonate of soda then season it with oil di thief so that the wenches will love ya. And don’t forget your Pirate’s Secret™ Beard Oil. The wenches love it.
Give some Oil di Thief to the wench in your life. Wenches like it for their potpourri.
Wenches use it fer ever-thin. Them wenches mixes some of thar Oil di Thief with carrier oil to make it last longer. I needs me a wench like that.